Alone in the Dark
by unicorn-skydancer08
Summary: Terence is suffering from terrible nightmares of his past. Tumnus can certainly relate. But when it comes to the past, you can only do either one of two things: try to run away from it, or learn to face it head-on.


**ALONE IN THE DARK**

_Man, what a week it has been. I just underwent yet another loss. This time, I lost a very good friend to cancer. I was expecting this, but somehow it still caught me off-guard when it happened. For some reason, death always has that nasty way of sneaking up on you. My friend's funeral was only yesterday, but due to my hands being tied, I wasn't able to go, for which I feel extremely bad. I know my friend would have understood, but I feel guilty all the same. A lot of bad has been going on lately, and I have a feeling things will get worse before they'll even start to get better. _

_Well, it's sure helped to pour out my emotions into my stories. I always did find writing, and art, to be therapeutic. _

_My OC, Terence, has had his share of hard times. In fact, you're just about to read one of his very worst experiences. I still want to save up the excitement for my upcoming novel, but this explains just a little more of my character's background. And there's a quote that I sort of "borrowed" from the "Lord of the Rings" movies. Think you can find it? _

**

* * *

Characters (with exceptions) © C.S. Lewis and Disney/Walden Media**

**Song (at the end of the story) © The Pretenders**

**Story © unicorn-skydancer08**

_**All rights reserved. **_

* * *

"Mother! Mother! _Mother!_" Terence's anguished cries rent the air, jolting Tumnus out of his blissful sleep.

With a gasp, the faun bolted upright in bed and looked about frantically, his heart racing a mile a second. He heard Terence cry out again, sounding as if he were being tortured.

In a flash, Tumnus was out of bed, and he took off for his mate's chambers, just as fast as he could.

Even though it was the middle of the night, and the Cair was quite dark, Tumnus knew his way to Terence's room easily. He practically burst through the door when he got there, and made a swift beeline to his friend's side. There, he saw that Terence was thrashing about in his bed, like he was having some sort of fit, half-sobbing into the night, "Mother! Mother, no, please—" His eyes were closed; he didn't seem aware of anything else going on around him. Tumnus realized his friend must be trapped in a very bad dream.

"Terence!" Tumnus shouted down to him, grabbing the young man by his shoulder and shaking him vigorously. "Terence, wake up!"

"_No!_" Terence wailed again, his eyes still shut tightly, and Tumnus couldn't tell whether the moisture running profusely down his face was merely perspiration. "No, no! Mother! _Mother!_"

"Wake up, Terence!" said Tumnus, more loudly this time. "_Wake up!_" He shook Terence harder, went on shouting into his mate's ear, even slapped the young man smartly across the face.

It took a minute or so for Terence to snap out of it. When he finally opened his eyes, he gasped sharply and almost automatically jerked to a sitting position. When Tumnus put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, Terence jumped a mile and yelled out. "Whoa, hey, it's okay," Tumnus said hastily, trying to calm him down. "It's all right, it's just me."

Recognizing the voice, recognizing Tumnus's face in the dim moonlight, Terence dared to breathe again, and his shoulders drooped.

"Oh…it's you, Tumnus," he said, sounding both embarrassed and enormously relieved.

With a great sigh, the silver-haired youth flopped back against his pillows and wiped his face with one hand, though he continued to breathe a little raggedly.

"Are you all right, Terence?" Tumnus asked, now speaking softly and gently. "I could hear you screaming, clear from my own room. Were you having a horrible dream?"

"A horrible nightmare would be a more appropriate way of putting it," Terence muttered, with his hand still over his eyes.

Tumnus shook his head. "I've never heard you scream like that before, Terence. That must have been one very dreadful nightmare, indeed."

When Terence at last withdrew his hand and looked up again, he said in a low, slightly hoarse voice, "Sorry, mate. I didn't mean to disturb you."

"That's all right," Tumnus said. "I'm just glad you're still alive. You sounded like you were being murdered."

"Sorry," Terence repeated ruefully.

He lay there quietly for a moment, then pushed aside the blankets and arose shakily from his bed, reaching for a long, black silk robe and wrapping it securely around his slim, well-shaped figure. Tumnus watched him head for his private balcony that overlooked the sea; soon, the faun got up himself and went to join him. A chill night wind greeted him there, waking him up completely, and sharpening his senses. Terence stood on the edge of the balcony, with his hands resting on the cold marble rim, looking perfectly poised and graceful as always.

Since he was part unicorn, he always maintained a very good posture, and he was as lithe and lissom as any creature Tumnus had ever seen. He was as light on his feet as a feather, and no one could walk or dance the way he could, at least no one that Tumnus knew of. But there was definite sorrow in the man's body language; it showed in the droop of his head and the sagging of his shoulders, as if he were bent under some great weight. It seemed to Tumnus that Terence was even more still and silent than usual.

Tentatively, Tumnus stepped up alongside his friend, and stood with him. Terence didn't raise his head, or give any acknowledgment of the faun's presence, but his face looked agonized in the cool white moonlight. Somewhat awkwardly, Tumnus put a hand on the youth's shoulder. Terence did not shrug his mate off, nor did he budge from that spot.

"Terence?" said Tumnus softly. When Terence did not answer, the faun asked solicitously, "Terence, are you all right?"

One look at the white-haired man told the faun Terence was anything _but_ all right. When Terence briefly lifted his face to Tumnus's, Tumnus could see incredible sadness swimming in the depths of his deep blue eyes, mingled with fear, and…anger? Tumnus could swear he noticed anger in Terence's soulful stare, along with a hint of raw remorse. There seemed to be a sort of hidden tragedy within those profound eyes. Tumnus wasn't sure what tragedy that would be—though he was sure he could guess.

Terence said not a word, only turned away from Tumnus again and dropped his head a second time, so that his thick white bangs spilled over his face once more.

"You kept screaming 'mother, mother' in your sleep," Tumnus said, at length.

He paused, before daring to ask, "Were…were you dreaming about your mother, Terence?"

He saw Terence tense up, and he immediately regretted having asked such a personal question.

"I'm sorry," the mortified faun didn't hesitate to say. "Forgive me. I—I have no right in prying like that."

He promptly withdrew his hand from Terence's shoulder and turned to retreat into the castle, saying, "If you want me to leave you now, I will…"

"No," said Terence, quite abruptly, before Tumnus had even taken three steps. "No, Tumnus, wait, please—I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay with me." When Tumnus looked back, Terence added on softly, "I…I _need_ you to stay with me." Tumnus merely stood there a moment, and Terence repeated, as if the faun hadn't heard, "I need you, Tumnus."

The way he spoke those last words with such earnestness, such pleading, touched Tumnus's heart. So, Tumnus changed direction again, and returned to his side.

"I really am sorry, Terence—"

"No, no," Terence cut him off, "it's all right…really. And to answer your question, mate…" Here he stopped, and Tumnus saw him close his eyes and draw in a deep, slow breath, as if gathering strength. Finally, Terence managed to bring himself to say it: "Yes. Yes, it was about my mother."

"You never told me about your mother," Tumnus said.

"What reason was there to bring her up?"

"Where is she, Terence? I mean, where is your mother today?"

"She's gone."

"Gone?" Tumnus's ears pricked up slightly at the word. "As in…_gone?_"

"She died a long time ago. I should know; I was there. I saw it all happen, with my own eyes…and I can still recall every little hideous detail, even to this very day."

Tumnus faltered, hating to say it, but feeling the need to know the answer, to know just what it was that Terence had gone through, that had his beloved friend in this state.

"What…what happened to your mother, Terence?"

Terence did not look at Tumnus, but rather at the stars that glittered in the velvet black sky above them, like a diffusion of diamonds.

"It was no accident, Tumnus," the young man said after a long moment, speaking with cold bitterness and devastating sorrow. "I was extremely young at the time—hardly much more than a foal, really. I was out with my mother in the woods, and I found some fresh strawberries growing on a thick bush in a nearby clearing. As you know, strawberries are considered a special delicacy among unicorns, so naturally I went right for them. My mother followed me. Soon, we were happily eating the berries together, right off the bush."

Tumnus felt his heart beat considerably faster, because he sensed where this story was going, and it was making him feel slightly sick. "What happened, then?" the faun feared to ask.

"Nothing, at first. For a time, everything was all right. But then my mother, who was usually very quiet, and very calm, suddenly became very tense. I asked her what was wrong. She wouldn't tell me—just shoved me deep into the bushes, where no one else could see me, and ordered me to be still. She could sense some kind of danger wandering about the forest. She turned out to be right, for no sooner had she hidden me than a group of hunters emerged from the trees, with bows and arrows, and drawn swords."

Tumnus gasped.

"I will not relay the details," Terence continued, "but a brief yet intense battle followed, right there and then. My mother, whom I never viewed as a fighter, fought bravely against the men, trying to defend herself and protect me at the same time. But there was only one of her, and too many of them…"

He trailed off, and Tumnus could guess what happened next, who ended up winning the fight.

"Oh, _Terence_…" the faun whispered, feeling his heart fall clear down to the earth.

"After my mother had fallen, the hunters hacked off her beautiful horn, as the horn of a unicorn is extremely valuable," said Terence darkly, when he'd regained his voice once more. "Then they simply left her there, except for one man, who appeared to sorely regret what he and his companions had just done. I saw him fall to his knees on the earth, and sob…and I don't know what he did after that, for I'd turned the other direction and fled for my life." Terence's posture stiffened, and his tone was now edged in icy venom as he continued, "As if killing my mother weren't enough, I later learned that those men did an even more hideous thing."

"H-how could they do so?" Tumnus asked faintly, feeling himself tremble involuntarily.

Indeed, what could be worse than unjustly slaying such a poor, innocent creature?

Once again, Terence wouldn't respond right away, but his emotions were evident. Tumnus saw his companion's hands clench into rock-rigid fists, so that the knuckles shone solid white. The faun could also see a vein in the side of the man's neck sticking out, like a knotted cord. Terence closed his eyes briefly; when he opened them again, they were wet and glistening with unshed tears. The sight caused Tumnus's own eyes to fill up also, and the faun's legs felt ready to give way beneath him.

When Terence spoke, his voice emerged hoarse and raw, and he could barely form the words. "As a way of making themselves appear braver, more admirable and praiseworthy, those men went around telling everyone that my mother was a wild, vicious thing that had attacked them maliciously in the wood…and that they had battled her to the death."

"They—they _what?!_" Tumnus could not believe his ears.

Now Terence looked Tumnus fully in the face, and there were genuine tears flooding freely down his cheeks. "What's worse," Terence half-croaked, "almost everybody they told actually accepted the outrageous tale. As a result, many people came to believe that we unicorns were fierce, brutal, and wicked creatures…to be feared and hated, and to be slain upon sight."

"You can't be _serious_, Terence!" Tumnus couldn't help bursting out.

But the faun knew, he knew from the haunted look within Terence's eyes, that what the white-haired man had just revealed to him was the truth. Terence said nothing to this, but his tears only fell thicker and faster; presently, he turned away from Tumnus, bending his head and bringing one hand up to his face as the shield of resistance broke and he began sobbing. After a moment, his other hand rose to cover his face as well. He collapsed to his knees, as though they could no longer hold him. There he remained, weeping like a lost soul.

The sight shattered Tumnus, and the faun didn't hesitate to drop to his knees as well and take Terence into his arms, clinging fervently to him.

Terence did not try to resist Tumnus, but sagged against the faun's chest, and only sobbed all the harder. Tumnus held onto Terence as tightly as he could manage, allowing the young man to weep, while he wept with him. "Oh, Terence," the faun whispered brokenly. "Oh, Terence, my friend…my dear, dear friend…"

They remained in that spot for what seemed ages: Terence weeping for his mother and for the irredeemable damage those heartless men had caused him, and Tumnus weeping out of pure anguish and empathy for his friend. Tumnus kept his arms locked steadfastly about Terence, the whole time they wept together.

He rocked the man slowly and gently, back and forth. He fondled him tenderly with his hands, as if Terence were a child, and he, himself, was the parent.

All the while, he sobbed continually, "Terence…oh, Terence…_Terence_…"

"How could they?" Terence choked out at one point, hands still over his face. "How could those men do a thing like this? My mother was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest creature you could have found anywhere; she could never hurt anybody! How could they kill her, and then lie about it? I've never forgotten it, Tumnus, and I've never gotten over it."

Waves of blinding rage swelled within Terence, like the waves of the sea, overtaking his crushing grief. With his forehead pressed abjectly to Tumnus's chest, he began to strike the faun with his fists. "Those spineless, savage, murderous beasts—I hate them, for what they'd done! I _hate_ them!"

Tumnus was aghast; he had never heard Terence express outright hatred for anyone.

"Oh, Terence—don't say that!" he gasped, pushing Terence away from him, at least far enough for them to see each other's tear-streaked faces properly.

"Why shouldn't I?" Terence demanded fiercely, tears continuing to flow down his face, all the way down his neck. "How else am I supposed to feel? Those black-hearted brutes caused irreparable damage not only to me, but to my people as well. Do you really think I can stay here, and live my life at Cair Paravel in peace, while my people out there are being hunted and slaughtered like sheep? God knows how many unicorns are dying each day, how many are breathing their last breath this very moment, all because of some men's damnable deception! I'll never forgive them for this."

"Terence…"

"I'll never forgive myself, either," Terence went on, his voice cracking noticeably. "It's my fault this whole disaster came about to begin with."

"No!" Tumnus interjected. "Not you, Terence!"

Terence plunged his head into his hands. "If I hadn't strayed so far, those hunters would not have discovered my mother in the first place," he moaned. "If it hadn't been for me, she would still be alive today…and things would not have gotten to where they are." Now the youth's sorrow and anguish resurfaced, and he began to weep afresh into his palms. "It's my fault," Tumnus heard him lament again, the words hardly distinguishable over the flood of soul-wrenching sobs. "It's my _fault_…"

Tumnus couldn't bear to hear any more of this. He seized Terence impulsively by the shoulders, forcing Terence to look up again, and he squeezed until the young man winced.

"Listen to me, Terence," said the faun fervently. "It's _not_ your fault."

"Yes, it is," Terence contradicted, as a fresh tear slid down his cheek, leaving a shining diamond trail behind.

Tumnus tightened his grip on his mate's shoulders so hard that his fingernails cut deep into Terence's flesh beneath his robe. "No, it's not," he said, speaking more harshly. "Get that horrible notion out of your head, Terence. Don't you believe it, for one minute. It—is—not—your—fault." He emphasized each of the last five words with a slight jerk of Terence's shoulders.

"But, Tumnus…" Terence began, but Tumnus cut him off sharply.

"Stop it, Terence! I will not stand for such talk, least of all from you. What happened to your mother was nothing short of tragic and ill-fated, but the burden is not yours to bear. Do you hear me?"

Terence looked at his mate, but didn't say another word this time. Tumnus now eased his hold on him a little, but spoke all the more passionately. "Your mother sacrificed herself for your sake; she willingly died in order to save you. Do you think she would have saved you, for this? Do you think she'd have wanted to see you like this, to have you go around feeling this way?"

"No," was all Terence could bring himself to say.

"Who's to say whether those hunters would have eventually discovered your mother, even if she were alone—or any other unicorn, for that matter? As for those hunters, you can't go around hating them." When Terence started to open his mouth, Tumnus promptly held a hand to his face for silence. "I'm not saying what they've done was right, Terence. I'm not condoning them, or taking their side in this. If anything, I'm as outraged by their vile deed as you are." His hand slid underneath Terence's goateed chin, and gently but resolutely forced Terence to tilt his head a little higher. "But you can't live your life with anger and vengeance in your heart. Believe me, mate, I know; I've learned a similar lesson myself, and I've learned it the hard way. Hatred poisons the heart, and sickens the soul. It can consume you, turn you into something ugly."

"But how can I forgive those men, Tumnus? How _can_ I?"

"I don't know how you can." Tumnus brushed his thumb lightly across Terence's wet cheek, and added very quietly, "But if you don't, you're no better off than they are, Terence. If you don't watch yourself, your hatred will overpower you completely, and it will destroy you. Forgive them, Terence. Please, at least try to forgive those men. The very least you can do is try."

Terence bowed his head, but said nothing to this. But Tumnus could see the anger had fled from him; it was as if someone had opened a spigot in him and drained him.

Terence suddenly felt very weak and weary, and somehow defeated. He felt like a great beast that had lost its roar.

"As for your people," Tumnus continued, "perhaps, just perhaps, you may yet find a way to save them." He paused, listening, as the following words gradually dawned on him, then he said very slowly, "Perhaps, Terence, you—you, yourself—may be the very one to bring an end to this great conflict."

"How?" said Terence huskily. "How can I do that? How can I even manage it?"

"Once again, I don't know," Tumnus whispered to him. He reached over with his hand, and began to absently smooth Terence's tangled white hair. "But I do know this, my friend. As dark, dangerous, evil, and corrupt as this world is, as it is with every world, there is yet some good in it…and it's worth fighting for. In the long run, Terence, it is _all_ worth it."

Terence closed his eyes, letting Tumnus's words wash through him.

They could not take away the agony that yet beset him, nor could they completely remove the tremendous weight from his shoulders, but he could feel the burden lighten, to some extent.

Deep inside his breast, amidst the darkness and despair, he could feel just the faintest spark of hope begin to ignite.

Maybe Tumnus was right. Maybe there was a way to clear up this tragic misunderstanding between men and unicorns. Maybe there was a reason to live, despite all the trouble he'd endured, and would yet face. Maybe he would find peace and healing from the loss of his mother. But for now, Terence was too overwhelmed, too exhausted to consider it further. His emotions and venting had gotten the better of him, and he had barely any strength left. He was tempted to just stay there with Tumnus, on the spot, for the remainder of the night.

"I'm very tired," the young man whispered, eventually.

"Come on," Tumnus encouraged him. Terence felt Tumnus's hands take hold of him, and hoist him up onto his feet.

Terence could hardly stand, and was compelled to lean on Tumnus's shoulder.

But Tumnus didn't care.

"You're staying with me tonight," the faun insisted, as he guided his companion back into the warmth and sanctity of the castle. "I'm not leaving you alone, another minute."

Despite his weariness, despite all he was feeling, Terence had to smile weakly at Tumnus's concern for him. "You're always looking out for me, mate," he said throatily, his eyes wet and sparkling with gratitude. "What have I done to deserve someone like you, for a friend? And what would I ever do without you?"

"I care about you, Terence," Tumnus told him simply. "You're someone special to me."

The faun added gently, and benevolently, "And you're more than just a friend—you're also my brother."

_

* * *

Oh, why you look so sad?  
Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me, now  
Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
_'_Cause I've seen the dark side, too_

_When the night falls on you  
You don't know what to do  
Nothing you confess  
Could make me love you less_

_I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you_

_So, if you're mad, get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me, now  
And hey, what you got to hide?  
I get angry, too  
Well, I'm a lot like you_

_When you're standing at the crossroads  
And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along_  
'_Cause even if you're wrong_

_I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you…_

_I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you_

_And when,  
When the night falls on you, baby,  
You're feeling all alone,  
You won't be on your own_

_I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you_

_I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Yeah…_

_Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
I'll stand by you_

_Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
_

_I'll stand by you…_

"**I'll Stand By You" ~ as sung by the Pretenders**


End file.
